im employed :D so i havent been on here that much. tryna get ahold of being a grown up. tryna live life. i have to make some changes about myself. i take a lot of things for granted when i shouldnt because not everyone is gonna be there for me when im acting like a fool. i know that the love i have is real but it only can be there for so long before it gets fed up & i dont want it to happen so w/ that being said, ima start acting my age, being more mature, & not taking the things i have in life for granted.
Im always the last resort. Never the first thing on your mind & it sucks. Id rather not be on your mind at all.
im in love w/ being in love w/ you. if im in love, im loyal the whole ride through. i have never had so much passion for someone & it really sucks cause im the one always getting my feelings hurt. i really ground myself because i know i wouldnt want that type of reputation. its just not my character. & w/ that being said, ill still be the same loyal, faithful, big-hearted person i am regardless of how i get treated or what you think ill do because of your insecurities. i try to reach out & fix a problem. all i want is you to realize how much im in love w/ you & how much i really do love you. youre not a bad person, you just think everything you do & say is right when its not. i reaaaaaaaaaaaaaally hope you comprehend everything i tell you & if you stop thinking about only how you feel but how i feel too then things will get better. but i seriously doubt you will unless a miracle happens cause your head is so far up your ass. im not tryna demean you or make you seem less but its the truth & im not gonna sugarcoat for you. im not the stubborn person i was a year ago. & you know what, i put my pride aside when it came to you. we have our ups & downs & you just focus on the downs. youre acting like me a year ago.
i never said you were a bad person, i never said i wanted to be w/ anyone else, i never said you treat me like shit. but you do not understand shit. its like you hear the negative only. if i say ‘Mikey, i hate when you fart by me’, you would only hear ‘Mikey, i hate you’. or if i say ‘Mikey, i dont think i love anyone more than i love you & i dont wanna be w/ someone else’, you would hear ‘Mikey, i dont love you & i wanna be w/ someone else’. you need to listen to me like i listen to you, you need to respect me like i respect you.
everything i say isnt bullshit. i say some real shit so why do you act like what im saying isnt true. i know what im saying should really be realized & understood but instead of you doing that, it just go through one ear & out the other.
i really hope you understand this cause im always the one waiting. like now i gotta wait on you to realize what you have. i really do love you w/ everything in my body & soul & i guess i have to wait on you to realize that too
why wait on someone that doesnt wanna talk to me ? like if you dont, then dont. the only reason i say im not gonna wait is cause im ALWAYS waiting. i dont make you wait, why make me wait ? thats rude to me. & im always the one texting you, tryna see if you’re gonna reply. im not gonna text you, simple.
‘dang, you went without me?’
‘dang, you did that without me?’
‘dont do nothing stupid or ill kill you’
sometimes its all 3
im feeling better than what i did 2 hours ago but i just know i gotta do what i gotta do to better myself cause right now im not doin what im capable of. about 60% of it is my own personal problem & the other 40% is relationship wise when it came to that other post. its gonna get better i know & ill do it & not wait for Mikey cause i cant expect Mikey to fix a problem he didnt cause. so w/ that being said, ima just push my pride aside when it comes to him. i love him too much & i know this post & him reading it isnt gonna make whatever happens worse or better, im just saying how i feel.
im just not in a good mood & i dont think i will be in a while. i want to seperate myself & just be alone cause im not getting the satisfaction i want & im not talkin like sexually or anything like that. im not getting enough when i know i should get it. im not tryna make myself seem superior. im not in a good place. i dont feel loved, i dont feel wanted & i feel like people are just ‘dealing’ w/ me. i know im not a bad person so idk what i did. maybe im just too bitchy. i feel like im gettin played by everything & everyone so im just gonna choose to not deal w/ it. just school & myself is what im gonna focus on. im gonna stop smoking weed so i can get my life together cause everything is just going downhill to me.
All I wanted to do since I got home was see Mikey. Showered & all that good shit before he got off just so I can go straight over there & didn’t even get to. I guess ill be sleeping alone tonight -_- whatever.
just got home from my flight from San Francisco. i had a nice time. malls were great & the city is gorgeous. i would love to go back when the weather is better
i dont think Mikey’s gonna be bored while im in Cali for the weekend. He keeps saying he is, but i doubt it. he’ll miss me, but i can guarantee he wont be bored…
Like you always talk about respecting you just as much as I talk about resepecting me & little things like not texting me back just pisses me off. Like if I’m over something why you still have a grudge about it if I’M the one that was mad to begin w/. Get over it! I’m over it & you doin these little petty things like not textin back is just gonna make me mad. Whatever though. Idk why you expect me to give you what you don’t give me.
